Take Me Lost, Make Me Found
by wallscollide
Summary: Post-03x09 - "Idyllwild." AU. Stef reacts drastically to finding out that Lena kissed Monte. However, Lena finds out that her wife has been keeping secrets of her own.
1. Part 1

**A/N:** "Where Are Ü Now" by Jack Ü with Justin Bieber inspired this. I heard it for the first time on a long car ride at the beginning of the year and it really grabbed me and I thought of where 03x09 and 03x10 left them and _Where are you now that I need you?_ made me think, ' _What if Stef reacted differently to Lena's kiss with Monte?_ '

I'm glad to have finally fleshed this idea out and get it out of my head. I wasn't ready to write it until a few days ago and I feel like watching 3B and Stef's and Lena's journey only helped make this better. I love them so much.

Title is lyrics from "Take Me Back" by Sarah Jarosz.

I don't own _The Fosters_.

This is from Stef's and Lena's points of view, which will be noted.

* * *

 **Part 1**

Stef

 **Thursday**

Dinner is over and everything's been cleaned up. It was one of the most stilted meals that I can ever recall sitting through.

Lena and I are trying to keep it together when the kids are around. Attempting to pretend that everything is fine.

That she didn't just admit to one of the most shocking pieces of news I've ever heard.

I've never felt so distant from her. There is an indescribable barrier that neither of us can navigate.

For one of the first times in our near eleven years together, I can barely stand to be in the same room as her. Normally, I crave her presence, her touch; the very things that have me so on-edge in this moment.

We're both in the kitchen. I'm at the table, Lena's at the sink.

I can't take another second of this. I go upstairs.

I grab a suitcase from our closet and start shoving whatever clothes I can find in it. I pack my gun, clip, and bullets. I'm placing a few sets of my uniform on the bed when I hear my wife's footsteps.

"Stef, come on. This is a bit premature, don't you think?"

"'Premature?'" I can't help but scoff at her minimizing the issue at hand. You kissed _someone else_ , Lena. Your _boss_."

"And I said that I regret it and I'm sorry. What do I need to do to prove it to you?"

"I thought about it all last night. I need some distance right now."

"But, where will you go?"

"I've booked a room for a few nights."

"Can we afford that right now after all we've spent on my parents' anniversary?"

Shit. I totally forgot about that. The party's in two days.

"It's cheap."

As I move to zip up my suitcase, Lena stops me.

"Let go of me, Lena," I order her evenly.

That's the second time in as many days that I've shunned her touch. If she only knew how much that kills me.

She hesitates for a moment, then, her hand leaves mine.

I pick up my suitcase and sling the hangers with my uniform over my shoulder and start to walk out in to the hallway.

"Stef, _please_ , don't do this. We can work this out."

"We can't, not right now."

"When?"

"Moms? What's going on?" Jude asks from the couch where the rest of the kids are hanging out.

"What's with the suitcase?" Brandon wonders, too, standing, and the others follow.

Lena's trying her hardest to hide her pain right now. I am, too.

"I'm only going to be gone for a few days, okay?"

"Where are you going?" Mariana questions me. In this moment, my sweet girl looks a little like the one who wouldn't let us leave her sight for weeks.

That feels like a lifetime ago.

"Mama has the address."

Jesus spoke next. "What happened? Why are you leaving? Did _she_ do something?"

Neither of us knows how to respond to that.

Jesus' eyes turn cold as he looks to Lena. "What did you _do_ , Mama?"

"Jesus, _don't_ ," I tell him, not wanting this to escalate any further. "Your mama and I have been going through some things and..." I turn to look at her, "we need some time apart."

"Are you getting a divorce?" Jude asks. He sounds scared.

" _No_ ," Lena and I say with absolute certainty.

"That is not what's happening, okay? I _promise_ all of you. We are not splitting up, we are not getting a divorce. Come give me hugs."

Jesus is the first to step toward me, looking more like a boy than the young man he has grown into. He hugs me tightly.

Callie is next, and I can feel nerves radiating from her. Her adoption isn't final quite yet; this has to be throwing her for a loop.

Seeing his sister hug me first has made Jude braver.

"Love you, Mom."

"I love you, boo. Be good, okay?"

"Take care of everybody. You're the man of the house," I tell Brandon. He nods, understanding.

"Mariana, please, come here, baby. It's okay."

"Don't go," she pleads with me, her voice starting to break.

"I'm a phone call or text away. If _any of you_ need me, for _anything_ , I will be _right here_. Okay?"

They all nod.

"I love you, my babies. Be good for Mama."

I turn and open the front door, walking off the porch and down the front steps. Everything inside me is saying to turn around, but, I have to be strong. I have to do this.

I put my luggage in my SUV and get in, backing out of the drive way and on to the road.

 _[][][][][][]_

Lena

This house is so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. It's deafening.

The sound of Stef's car fades away, and as soon as it does, Jesus shoots me an angry look and stomps upstairs, slamming his door.

The others are just standing there, not sure what to do. Slowly, they begin to follow Jesus' lead and go to their rooms, not saying anything.

Stef left. I know I made a _huge_ mistake, but I didn't expect this.

Honestly, I don't know what I expected.

'Sorry' isn't going to fix this.

And right now, I'm not sure what will.

 _[][][][][][]_

Stef

I look at my face in the rearview mirror.

I feel a little sick. Disgusted isn't even too strong of a word.

I left. I left my wife. I left my kids.

I _left_.

After all the times we told them we'd _never_ leave. That we'd always be there.

 _God, what am I doing?_

I've asked myself that a thousand times, since I started up the stairs to go pack.

I just couldn't take one more second in that house.

I was suffocating.

In the very place Lena and I had built a family, a _life_ together.

Together. _Pft_. So much for that.

Soon enough, I pull into the motel's lot. There's not many cars.

I park, grab my stuff, and go to the office to get my key.

Room 8.

I unlock the door, turning on the light.

There's a queen-sized bed with a faded comforter, a couple of lamps, a dresser, and an old color TV to watch.

Not that I'm going to be doing much of that.

The bathroom is pretty basic, with a tub and shower and a few clean towels.

I set my suitcase down and hang up my unis in the closet. I set my gun on the shelf.

I turn off all the lights and lay down on the bed.

 _[][][][][][]_

Lena

The kids aren't speaking to me.

I found the five of them in Callie's and Mariana's room, most likely discussing us, why they think their mom left.

They gave me a hard time over going to bed. Strength in numbers and all of that.

At least they have each other.

I've never felt so alone in my own home.

I can't sleep at all.

This bed feels as cold and empty as I do inside.

The bed my wife should be sharing with me.

Where we've had some of our most intimate moments, conversation or otherwise.

I'm surrounded by their ghosts.

Like when we first bought the house and moved in the furniture. A place that was ours alone, ready to make it a home and start our lives together. We talked for hours, making love until the sun came up.

The way the early morning light crept into the quiet. I watched Stef sleep. She was so beautiful, so uninhibited. She was safe with me. She didn't have to hide.

We spent our wedding night here. Smoldering, familiar bliss coupled with passion that burned like fire.

We were so connected. I'd never felt so close to her.

That's where I've gone wrong. Seeking comfort in another. Not allowing myself to be heard.

Without Stef's body next to me, I feel incomplete.

One mistake has seemed to destroy everything we have.

Quickly and quietly, I make my escape for the living room. I can't spend another minute here.

Maybe that's how Stef felt. Like she couldn't stand to be near me. She had to get out.

I'd leave me, too.

I sigh heavily, trying to push these thoughts away for the night.

Maybe the morning will bring hope.

* * *

 **A/N:** I'm mean and am not posting the whole thing as a one-shot. :p

Let me know what you think so far!


	2. Part 2

**A/N:** Thanks so much to all you lovelies for reading and reviewing. Here's more...

* * *

 **Part 2**

Stef

 **Friday**

Trying to sleep seems pointless right now.

I miss the kids. I always make my rounds as bedtime approaches, complete with kisses, hugs, and 'I love yous.'

Not tonight.

It can be the only time Lena and I get a minute to ourselves; to recap our days, discuss serious topics, and when the kids were younger, spare a moment for some grown-up love.

Hey, sometimes, you've gotta work with what you're given.

With full-time jobs and five kids, most of the time, there just isn't enough hours in the day. Things take a back seat. Our intimacy, for one, has been a long-suffering victim of such circumstances.

Completely alone with only my thoughts for company, I realize that now.

I've been so concerned with work and juggling the issues of five teenagers that nurturing my relationship with Lena has seemed to come last.

I admit that I'm not always the best listener. I have a tendency to bulldoze and steamroll due to my wife's more passive nature.

When was the last time I listened to Lena instead of just hearing her words?

I honestly can't remember. It's that bad.

It's no wonder she ran into the arms of the first woman who really _listened_ to her.

 _Ugh, Monte._

I don't even wanna think about her.

What was _she_ thinking? She knows Lena is married, that she's _my_ wife.

Not to mention, she's Lena's boss, in a position of power over her.

Maybe Lena felt like she had to go along with things for the sake of her job.

No. She's better than that.

Isn't she?

Why do I doubt her?

I shouldn't.

I know one thing: I've definitely taken what Lena and I have for granted.

Like it was guaranteed for life, no maintenance required.

I've never been more wrong.

It's sad that it took something like this to wake me up.

It might be too late.

I might be single again soon, something I thought I'd never be again.

I roll over and look at the time. It's after midnight.

Time to make my brain shut up.

I need to get some sleep. I've got a big day tomorrow.

 _[][][][][][]_

Lena

"I need you guys to help set up the backyard right after school. The tables and chairs will be here this afternoon," I tell my five teens the next morning.

I'm met with only the sounds of silverware scraping bowls and plates.

"Who cares about a dumb party? Seems stupid to be celebrating when things here are going to hell," Jesus says after a moment, stabbing at his scrambled eggs.

" _Jesus_ ," I warn him. He's been the most outspoken since Stef left last night. "This is for your grandmother and grandfather. Please, don't be this way."

Everyone else is keeping their heads down, afraid to rock the boat any further.

"No, Mama! This is crap! I'm not gonna pretend to be happy and make nice. I won't do it." He stands and takes his plate to the sink. "Don't expect me home after school," he mutters, walking past me.

"Excuse me?" I exclaim.

"You heard me," he sneers, continuing on his way.

"Jesus Armando A—" My attempt to call him back is interrupted by the slamming of the front door.

"Alright. Get to school," I sigh.

The four of them clear their dishes and get their bags.

"Sorry," Jude says on his way out.

"I'll talk to him, Mama," Mariana tells me.

I hope she can talk some sense into her twin.

If there's one person he'll listen to, it's her.

 _[][][][][][]_

Stef

I can barely focus on the report in front of me.

My stomach is in knots.

I probably shouldn't be here, but I need the distraction.

Yes. Distraction is good.

"Hey. Wanna grab some lunch?" Mike asks me, stopping by my desk.

"No, thanks," I reply, not looking up as I'm filling out a sheet.

He laughs. "Since when do you turn down food?"

"Since right now."

"Are you okay?"

"Fine."

"Okay. You know where to find me."

I take off my glasses and rub my eyes.

I feel like I'm only just keeping it together right now.

Out of habit, I check my phone.

No texts from Lena.

She usually asks me what I'd like for dinner or fills me in on her day.

I miss her.

Feeling a little sad, I turn the screen off and set it face down.

With a sigh, I get back to work.

Distraction is good.

 _[][][][][][]_

Lena

Everything is coming together for the party.

The kids have been a huge help.

Whatever Mariana said to Jesus worked, because he's here with us instead of with Nick.

He even apologized. I know it wasn't easy for him. He's mad at me, at the situation, and I can't really blame him.

I could only tell him we love him and that me and his mom were going to work things out.

But even that's not a sure thing.

I always thought we would be.

But, we saw how things ended with Kelly and Jenna.

They were a solid couple once.

So were Stef and I.

When did that stop? When did that change?

Where did things go wrong?

I don't have time for this right now.

There's still so much more to do.

I go round up the kids. I need them in the kitchen.

 _[][][][][][]_

Stef

With a heavy sigh, I enter the motel room, shutting the door.

I just had some semblance of a healthy dinner at a diner not far from here. It didn't compare to Lena's cooking, though. But still, it was filling, and that was enough.

I take my hair out of my bun, shaking it loose. That helps ease a bit of tension.

I take off my holster and unbutton my work shirt so I'm just left in my navy pants and t-shirt.

I slip off my shoes while I'm at it.

I feel so damn uncomfortable. I can't relax.

Maybe it's this room.

It isn't home.

Home, where my wife and children are.

I hope the party preparations are going okay. I'm sure the kids are being helpful.

With them in mind, I send them all a text.

 _Hi, babies. I miss you. Sending you all my love._

As expected, Mariana is the first to reply.

 _We miss you, too. When are you coming home?_

 _Soon, baby. I promise._

 _Miss you_ from Jesus pops up next, then a heart emoji from Jude.

I smile for the first time in what feels like forever.

Suddenly, my messages are replaced by an incoming call.

The one I've been dreading all day.

It's Dr. Weiss.

Though nervous, I answer.

"Hello, Dr. Weiss?"

"Hello, Stef. How are you?"

"I'm okay."

I feel everything but okay right now.

"I have the results of your second mammogram right in front of me."

"And?"

I'm holding my breath. Her next words could change the course of my life.

"It appears that you _do_ have a two-centimeter mass in your left breast."

I feel like I've had the wind knocked out of me. I can't breathe.

"Okay. Um...so, what now?" I ask after a moment.

"I'd like for you to come in on Monday for more tests. Blood work, scans, and maybe a biopsy..."

I pretty much tune the rest of this conversation out.

Before I know it, I'm thanking her and hanging up.

Numb. I feel totally numb.

I have a mass in my breast.

My mom had precancerous cells in her uterus a few years ago. She underwent a preventative hysterectomy.

Family history is an important factor in the equation.

I probably have cancer.

My body is betraying me.

I sit down on the bed. Tears are rolling down my face.

Where's Lena? She should be here.

But, she's not.

I'm alone. I get this news...and I'm completely alone.

I should be with her.

I'm now crying, sobbing without sound.

Where's my wife? Who's gonna tell me everything's going to be okay?

Nothing feels certain. Not my health, not my marriage.

Lena wants someone else. She doesn't love me anymore.

When did that change? Why wasn't I informed?

How do I fix things? How do I put the pieces back together?

I don't know.

For the first time in my life, I truly don't know.

* * *

 **A/N:** Yep, I gave Stef cancer. I'm terrible. Stef, you know I love you, though! Stef Defense Squad forever!

Please, let me know your thoughts!


	3. Part 3

**A/N:** I hope you all enjoy this last bit.

* * *

 **Part 3**

Lena

 **Saturday**

The party is on and everyone is out back.

Mariana is singing and Brandon is backing her up on keyboards. They sound great together. This is a very special night and I'm glad that my parents are enjoying themselves.

I'm not much in the partying mood, myself, but I'm keeping up appearances well enough.

I have my phone on me. Stef might call, decide that she wants to join us after all.

The kids would like that.

Wouldn't I? I'm not sure.

My text tone sounds, but it's not from Stef.

It's Monte.

 _I'm out front. We need to talk._

Hurriedly, I go through the house and out the front door. I hope no one saw me.

She's at the street, waiting by her car.

"What are you doing here? The kids are here, my _parents_ are here, and about thirty of their closest friends."

"This is important."

"Why would you tell Jenna that you kissed me?" I ask, not wasting any more time.

"You know why we broke up, right?"

I lift my brows and shake my head, non-verbal.

"I finally told her that the reason I'm having a hard time falling in love with her is because I've already..."

She's looking at me expectantly, like I should bail her out, but I want _her_ to say it.

"...fallen in love with somebody else. With you."

"Yeah, I-I got that," I say under my breath.

"Hey, I know it's not _okay_. I know. You don't...I know you don't feel the same way about me," she admits, a bit emotional. "And I promise, I would never, _ever_ want to break up a marriage. I just, uh...I guess I needed to say that out loud."

" _Did you_? Do you feel better? Because I'm telling you right now, I am one-hundred percent in love with my wife. We are _not_ friends, we are colleagues. Nothing more. Professional boundaries will be respected from now on, got it? Now, _leave_ , please."

"Okay, Lena. Okay," Monte says, resigned to my wish.

I sigh heavily as she drives away. There's no time to dwell on this, I've gotta get back to playing hostess.

"Is your wife going to make an appearance?" Daddy wonders, joining me at a table where I'm getting a drink.

"I don't think so. She's sorry she can't be here."

"I am, too. This party misses her."

I watch him as he goes off to chat with some friends and I don't hear my mom walk up beside me.

"Speaking of your lovely wife, where _is_ Stef this evening? We haven't seen her at all since we got here this morning."

"She got called into work. She couldn't get out of it."

That was too easy. It felt so wrong. I take a drink of champagne.

It must've showed on my face because the next thing I know, Mom's pulling me aside and busting out my middle name.

"Lena Elizabeth, what's going on? Tell me the truth," she demands, her eyes taking in my every expression.

"She left. We're having problems. Stef went to a motel two days ago. I really messed up, Mom," I confess, my emotions beginning to get the better of me.

"Do you love her, Lena?"

"Yes. Yes," I nod vehemently. "More than anything in the world."

"Nothing is unforgivable. I truly believe that. You need to go to her, Lena. Show her you love her. Fight for your marriage."

So, that's exactly what I did.

 _[][][][][][]_

Stef

I had just finished blow-drying my hair when someone knocked on the door.

I cross the room and open it, only to find my wife on the other side.

"Lena? What are you doing here? You should be at the party."

"How can I possibly care about a party when my wife's at a motel? I needed to see you."

"Come on in," I say after a moment, closing the door behind her.

"So, I, um, I had a little talk with Monte today," she starts, timid.

"Really?"

"Yep. She, uh, she told me that she's in love with me."

"What did _you_ say?" I wonder, moving past her, toward the bed.

"I told her I'm in love with my wife."

"Well, there's _one_ thing you didn't keep to yourself."

" _Really_? You're going to hold this against me? This _one_ thing that I didn't tell you? Because I didn't want you to feel weird, or awkward, or whatever? After the _dozens and dozens_ of secrets you've kept from me."

That cuts deeper than it normally would.

"Oh, is that what we're doing? We're _keeping score_ , now? _Really_? I slam my rings down on the table. "Let me ask you this: How does someone _fall in love_ with someone just like that, huh? Out of the blue, without any encouragement, Lena? Did it just _happen_? Is it something she caught, like a virus, or a cold? Is it _contagious_?" I ask with contempt.

"Stef, I'm not trying to fight you here. I'm trying to fight _for_ us," Lena says, her voice strong. "Are you asking me if I liked the attention? Because yes. Yes, I did. I liked it."

I'm not used to Lena being so blunt; that's my area of expertise. I feel myself starting to cry, so, I sit on the other side of the bed, with my back to her. _I_ did that. I drove her away, in to the arms of another, the one person I love most in the world.

"I'm not saying that I encouraged it, but, I admit that I didn't do enough to stop it."

That statement might be worse than the kiss itself. I stand up and whip around, my eyes boring holes into Lena.

" _Why not_? Why not? Why didn't you?" I am utterly heartbroken at my wife's admission. "Because of me? I suppose it's my fault, because I didn't pay enough attention to you, is that it?"

Lena doesn't respond, looking a little sad at my realization. I hit the nail on the head.

"Thanks," I hiss, sarcastic. It's not like I deserve any sort of comfort.

I start up again, close to yelling in full voice. "Well, you know what? It's too bad! _It's too bad_! Because between the kids and my work and my—and everything else, I cannot always put you as priority number one!"

That statement hits us both like a ton of bricks. The truth is finally out in the open.

"What do you mean by that?"

That's not what I was expecting. "By what?"

"What else besides the kids and work is keeping you from putting me first?"

"Nothing. Nothing, Lena. Just drop it."

She can't know. Not yet.

"No, I won't. Something else is going on. I can feel it."

Lena won't stop pushing, and now, I'm sounding just like she did three nights ago. "Nothing else is going on."

"Don't lie to me. Please, Stef. Just tell me."

"Lena—"

"You didn't leave just because of the kiss, did you?"

I wasn't expecting her to ask me that flat-out.

"I know something's wrong. I know _you_. Is everything okay?"

Her question leaves it difficult for me to keep up a strong front. Nothing is okay right now.

I exhale a big sigh. "I...I wanted to wait until I knew something for sure, but, um, I had to get a second mammogram."

"A second? When did you get the first one?"

"Last week. I...I found a lump, Lena. Two weeks ago. I was checking myself after my shower. They said the first was inconclusive, but I felt _something_."

She looks shocked, afraid for me, and not to mention worried. She closes the distance between us. "Why didn't you tell me this?"

"Because I didn't want to worry you," I say, my voice breaking, "and because I didn't want to need you, because I'm mad, I'm really mad. I'm so..."

I don't finish my thought. It doesn't matter at this point.

"What did they say?" my wife asks me, desperate for an answer.

"They called me yesterday. They want me to come in for more tests, lab work, and possibly a biopsy."

For the first time, Lena actually sounds angry with me. "And what was your plan, Stef? Were you gonna have these mammograms and tests and not tell me? You'd find out the results and break the news as an afterthought? ' _Oh, by the way, everyone, I have cancer. No big deal, go on about your lives_.'"

I hadn't thought that far ahead. I can't think of a response.

"Oh, my God," Lena breathes. "So, that's what this is? You're giving me an _out_? A chance to leave you for Monte because you might be sick? Like I wouldn't care? Do you think I'm heartless? You're my _wife_."

"I just thought...I thought, 'What if you fall in love with her because I'm ugly?'" I almost whisper.

"What are you talking about?" she asks me, as if I'm being absurd.

"You might not be in love with Monte right now, Lena, but what happens if I _do_ have cancer? What if I have to go through chemo or have surgery? What if my hair falls out and I'm exhausted, puking my guts up for months and you have to take care of me? I can't ask you to do that."

"Stef, don't you know by now that I would do _anything_ for you? You don't have to ask me. If you _are_ sick, I will do whatever it takes to get you well."

"After everything, I might not like the way I look; _You_ might not like the way I look."

"Honey, chemo and whatever else we have to do can save your _life_."

I shake my head. "The result is the same. I could be scarred, my hair might never grow back, and God knows if some of the side effects are permanent," I muse, knowing that our sex life is non-existent at this moment. Getting treated could squash it for good. "I won't be beautiful like Monte. I'm—I just—I won't. And you know, I don't care about the treatment. I'm not afraid of it, that I don't—"

Lena takes my hands in hers and looks right in my eyes, stopping my rambling.

"You're not going to lose me. And what's beautiful about you is _so much more_ than your _body_. It's your heart and soul. Your mind. Your laugh. Your courage and your compassion."

Feeling a bit foolish, I look down, sniffling.

"I love this life that we've built together. Our kids. Our family. You're my home."

My eyes find hers, though, I still doubt her words.

"I'm _so_ sorry I ever did anything to make you feel like you weren't enough for me. I let someone else come between us; I hurt you; I'll probably never know just how much. I know that. You _are_ enough. You _always_ will be. I want _you_ , Stef. You're my wife, my lover, my best friend. I love you with everything I have. And if you're sick, we're gonna face it together, like always."

All the emotions I've been holding in just start pouring out of me. "I'm scared," I sob. "I'm so scared, Lena."

She pulls me into her arms. I'm crying into her shirt and she's holding me up.

She's my strength right now. My lighthouse in the storm.

She always has been.

"It's okay to be scared. I'm gonna be here every second, you hear me?" Lena says, close to tears, herself. "For everything. You can't get rid of me that easily," she tries to joke.

I choke out a laugh. I can't help it.

"Please come home, Stef. That house isn't home without you. I'm not _me_ without you. The kids need you. _I_ need you," she pleads. "And you're gonna need _us_. You don't have to go through this alone."

I collect myself and look at my wife. I start to realize that in spite of her transgressions, my feelings for her haven't changed. I still love her and she's right, I need her. I need my kids. I need my family.

I nod. "Let's get out of here."

 _[][][][][][]_

Lena

And so it was a joyous welcome home for Stef, with everyone reacting as if she'd been gone for weeks instead of two days. Stef gave Jesus some extra love, which we both knew he needed.

She was truly the missing piece. We all feel slightly more whole now.

The air around us doesn't feel as heavy.

After some initial clean-up in the backyard, Stef and I send the kids to bed early; there'll be more to do in the morning. We then bid my parents goodnight and go up to our bedroom.

"Glad to be home?" I ask her as I shut the door.

"Mhm," she hums, taking a seat on my side of the bed, patting a spot next to her. "Come here, please."

I sink down, not sure what this is about. Then, she starts unbuttoning her shirt.

"Stef, we don't have to—"

"No. I want to show you, Lena. The tests are on Monday. We're not gonna say anything to the kids until we know what we're dealing with, yes?"

I nod. "Of course."

Stef takes it off and unclasps her bra, her hands moving to her left breast. She begins at the margins of tissue, pressing slowly in circles. I see frustration on her face.

"Shit," she exhales, blinking away tears. "I-I can't find it. I know it's there, I just—"

"Here, let me," I interject quietly, wishing to ease her panic.

Stef turns to face me and I take her breast in my hands, repeating the motions.

"If you didn't look so serious, I'd be turned on right now," she quips, which is so like her.

I'm kneading the soft tissue and suddenly, something hard to the right of the areola, about the size of a marble.

My blood runs cold. I suck in a breath.

"Press right here," I say, guiding her hands to the spot.

She just nods, tears coming again. "That's it."

"I wish you would have told me right away."

Stef grabs her bra and shirt, putting them back on. "Why?"

"I had a right to know about this, Stef."

"Would you have told me about Monte?"

"I honestly don't know."

She huffs at my reply.

"Monte knows to back off. I made sure of it. There shouldn't be any more trouble with her." I shake my head. "Can we deal with this later? I mean, we _will_ have a real conversation, but just not right now, please."

"I know exactly what you mean..."

Stef's right hand cups my cheek and my lips meet hers.

One kiss is all it takes.

I came so close to losing this.

And with Stef's news, I just might.

I'm scared, too.

I wish we could stay in this moment forever.

Finding our way back to each other, reconnecting.

I don't know what the future holds for us.

I guess we'll find out together, and that's enough for me.

 **THE END**

* * *

 **A/N:** I'm so glad Stef's DCIS scare in 3B brought Stef and Lena closer. It showed them what really matters; their relationship and their family. Stef confronted more of her own issues and internalized homophobia and is better and stronger than before. Yay for growth.

There's more stuff coming from me pretty soon, cheers.


End file.
